Burn Out!!!!

I've been feeling extremely tired of work these days. I'm starting to regret my decision of going to work last Friday when I badly needed a rest. I'm afraid I might get easily burned out by the tons of work that we have to finish by the end of November. I want to go to a province and stay there for awhile. Just to unwind and take lots of rest. I have to reserve all the "drive" that is left in my bones before they completely disappear.

I found myself in one of my bratty moods lately. I don't like it when there are people who would make your day worse than it already is. I got really upset over how this optical shop where I had the lenses of my eyeglasses replaced for a higher grade. When they delivered it back to the office, the frames were deformed! They made a mistake with how they cut the lenses. When I complained about it they insisted that the shape of the frames were really like that. They must be shallow to think that I'm dumb not to know how my glasses exactly looked like. As if! The frames didn't come from them. I bought that two years ago and have been using it eversince. Now they tell me it doesn't look what it seems... They had the old lenses, why didn't they copy that cut in the first place?! Then, they made another excuse that the reason why the shape was like that was because my lenses got a higher grade. REGARDLESS OF HOW THICK OR HIGH MY GRADES ARE, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!! The problem was the cut that caused the deformation of the frames! And they didn't even do a clean job! It looked like they just placed Mighty Bond to stick the lenses in. The worst thing that they told me is that they can't do anything about it because it's "out of their hands". I thought to myself, "This is WAR!" With an icy tone in my vioce, I told them that I am not gonna pay them P 3,000 for a lousy service and damaging my eyeglasses. After telling them that, they repaired it.

*Sigh* I still have tons to do at work that I don't know where to start. There are still things to be ironed out, so I guess I really can't take a leave....aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!

I Will Always Love You...

The weather suddenly changed last night. The winds have become chilly which means that the Christmas season has officially started. It completes the whole mood of this season. It also means that another year is ending. I'm praying that this year, my Christmas and New Year will be a happy one. Last year wasn't really something that would fit into the family album. But, someone did change that and made Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve very memorable to me. Who was he? I'd rather keep it a secret...

My friend, Nana, noticed that I've been quiet these days. It brought me to a realization that I've been lost in my thoughts again. It's just that there are so many things going on and I try my best to sort things in my life inside my head. It's just overwhelming! Sometimes I wish I could get away from work for a while so I could relax and rewind.

My former officemates found my estranged ex-boyfriend at the new building they transferred office to. They quickly reported their ghostly encounter through sending me a message in Yahoo! Messenger. I was out of the office that time so I wasn't able to read their messages anymore. One of them repeated the message when I was already at home. Cherrie told me that it looks like he's working at a call center. While she was telling me the details, I was reminded of the slight sting of the past. Now, I have to deal with the possibility that I might bump into him when I deliver magazines to that office building. The others told me the same news again the next day. A part of me didn't want to see him, but another part of me wants to face him so that he can see that I have finally moved on. They told me that I shouldn't be scared to face him because I have changed for the better and he should be the one to feel ashamed of showing his face to me.

I've thought of it for a while along with the other things I have to settle at work. Then I remembered someone close to my heart and how great he has been treating me all these years that we've been close friends. He was someone who got away in the past just before I met my ex. Now, I have already learned from my mistakes and I have finally moved on. I asked God for a sign that afternoon. If I see my ex, it means that I still have an unfinished business with him, and if I see my guy friend, it only means that I should have more faith in him. At the end of the day, I spent a great time with my guy friend. It really is FATE... :)

The only way I could describe what I'm feeling about him is with this song from 311 titled Love Song in the 50 First Dates Soundtrack:

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far awayI will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Went to a photo shoot at Sta.Elena again. This time we were taking photos of two Porche GTRS's and the Mercedez-Benz SLK and the M-Class. It was boring at first cause Zennia and I weren't really doing anything except lounge around while the men drove around to take some moving shots.

At the end of the day, we were able to drive the M-Class. :) To Zennia and I, it was a phenomenal event. We were the first AEs in the entire country to drive it! HAHA! It was the only unit that was shipped here in the country that's why

At first, I was intimidated to drive it because it's an SUV. You know, I'm small...and it's a BIG car for me... But, Benjie of CATS Motors gave me more confidence when he told me that the seats can also be adjusted. Fine by me! Let's give it a spin then! Though I feel like it's still a big car for me, I didn't have a hard time maneuvering the wheels. You get less intimidated as soon as you begin to move a few meters on the road. :) It's a great SUV for long drives because the trunk is enough to fill a whole family's luggage and there is even a compartment at the side for a first-aid kit. Underneath the trunk is another compartment for the spare tire. Cool, huh?

Anyways, I have to end this for now. Just had to share this great experience! I'm off to sleep!

Today, I went to the event of Mercedez-Benz at the NBC Tent at the Fort. It was the unveiling of the new S-Class, M-Class, and the B-Class. Among the cars that were launched, I was able to drive the B-Class. :) Cool car! I love the way it responded to my driving. The driving wheel was easy to handle so it wasn't hard to make turns. The driving seat was also a treat for it could be adjusted according to your level of eye sight beyond the dash board. A convenient feature for vertically-challenged girls like me. ;) The best part is, it's a very comfortable ride.

Uh-oh....Am I beginning to sound like an automotive critic?

Too bad Zennia and I didn't have enough time to drive the S-Class. :( The M-Class weren't for test driving because there was only one unit that was shipped and that was the one on the display at the event.

One of the best part of the event? Mercedez-Benz gave out one of the coolest give-aways ever! They gave out MP3 Players!!!!

Lost and Confused

"You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better....One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic."

I had another one of those life talks with a close friend of mine a few nights ago. We talked about marriage. He asked me if I was in a hurry to get married. I told him I'm not. He asked me why and I told him that I want to make sure that I marry the right guy. I don't want to get married just because my biological clock is ticking. I don't want to get married to just any guy because it means that I'll be getting into marriage for the wrong reasons and with the wrong guy. And, besides, I'm not financially stable yet. In this time and age, I have to establish myself first so that when I bring another life in this world, that little life will be secured of a good home.

My older brother ("Kuya") has been bugging me about a close guy friend of mine whom he thinks I have something going on with. He keeps on assuming that I'm in a relationship with him but the truth is, we're more like bestfriends now. He's been observing us and he said that my friend is just waiting for the right time to confess his feelings for me. He keeps on telling me to warm up to him because I seem stiff and too guarded. I keep on avoiding his prying remarks because the more that I'm reminded of it the more I get confused with my feelings. I didn't want to say it out loud or assume anything because, even I don't know when the right time is to let him know how I feel for him. There are times when we're cold and there are times when we're so eager to spend time together. I had a feeling that we're both stressed out at work that's why we don't talk and see each other too much sometimes. I'm not even sure if he feels the same way. My brother said that he understands that I went through a tough time with my first boyfriend but he thinks that my guy friend is the right one for me. I told him that what's keeping me guarded is that I know that my guy friend is still dreaming of another girl that he wants to end up with in the future. The truth is, the day he said that, it really broke my heart into small pieces and I had to hide the hurt in my eyes as best as I could to the point of fighting the sting of a tear. All I could say is that, "You know what, I felt the same way for a guy once. But, now, I'm not so sure..."

I started to feel lost and confused that time. I started dating someone who had a resemblance of his face, but later on, things didn't work out because his personality was a total opposite of my friend. I woke up and smelled the strong coffee. I never felt so low. I realized that I'm beginning to look pathetic in my love life. Thus, I made up my mind to continue with my life and developed a stronger guard against jerks. I was on a man hunt for someone who would treat me right. But, of all the guys I've met and I've come to know, he's the only one who treated me in a special way. It felt different to be treated like a princess by him. I felt so safe and cared for...even loved.

I didn't want to assume that the good things he does is something that has a special meaning. I didn't want to get hurt again in the end. I may be wrong again with how I read his words and actions. I only think of it as what he usually does as a friend because maybe he's like that to the other gal pals that he has on his Friendster list. I might just be "one of the girls". Sometimes, he would do things that just drives me crazy wanting to scream at him these words, "Will you just tell me what you feel about me?!" If I appeared stiff or cold, it's because I, too, am not sure about what he feels sometimes. He gives mixed signals that makes me insecure of what he really feels.

But, if my intuition's right about him, then, maybe, just maybe, things will fall into place someday...

And It All Comes Down to This....

It all comes down to this. I don't know who the author of this summary of what it is like to be in a Quarter-life Crisis. But who ever you are, hats down to you. This was e-mailed to me by a friend a couple of years ago when I just started with my first job at a small advertising company. I kept this e-mail for a long time and I always go back to it to keep me sane whenever I'm about to go crazy with confusing realities in life.

I just want to share this to all of my friends who are in their twenties and thirties, and, also, to the many people who may be reading my blog right now. I know that you somehow can relate to what is written here. We're all going through a phase and I know that many of us ask many questions about so many things in our lives that sometimes it just drives us nuts. We are all in a journey of our own and being in a Quarter-life Crisis is one of our greatest times in our life to learn more about ourselves. I'll probably be quoting some of the passages here to my future blog entries for it tells so much about my journey in life right now.

Being Twenty-Something to Thirty-Something(This puts it all into words perfectly.)

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatestpeople you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they arerealizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere,but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, ofsocializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doingand find yourself judging a bit more than usualbecause suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things toyour list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenlychange is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyonedecent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to lookcheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make adecision. You worry about loans and money and thefuture and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'djust like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.