the journey of a purple phoenix

Friday, April 13, 2007

Bowing Out of the Glamorous Life

I've done a lot of thinking over the past Holy Week. I've been thinking about this decision for a long time. I think it's about time I took this step to moving on.

A few days ago, the first day of work after the long vacation, I had coffee with my boss and told her that I'm resigning from C! Magazine. It was a hard decision and a critical time to do such a move in my life. I loved the people I've worked with for 2 years and 9 months and the clients that have been close to my heart. I had fun with all the events that I've attended and dazzled by the society people. But there comes a point wherein I wanted to do something different in my life other than doing sales. I also learned a lot from the people I've come across. I learned a lot about life in so many ways through the stories of these people who walk in their own paths. These stories has given me a different view about some things in life. It's funny how time seem to have moved fast forward but whenever I look back to the the early days of my stay, it feels like I've been in the company for more than 3 years.

I'll miss a lot of people in C! Magazine. More of the people I've been with since the day I started working in the company. I'll miss my bosses, Kevin, Carl, Sir Tito, and most of all, Ms. Mayette. I'll miss Anna's little surprises in her funny remarks, Jocas with his bullying, Chris of his depthless tummy, child-like charm, and, ok, his driving, Angelo with his humor and his school kid laugh, Sir Kookie with his driving tips and fatherly moments, I'll miss greeting Marie by the nickname, "Mothuurrrr!!!" and her sharing her son's adorable pictures, and I'll miss JAMES! (nuf said! hahaha!)


I'll also miss the clients who have been close to me. Sir Philip for being somewhat like a father-figure. He reminds me so much of my Papa. I'll miss hanging out with the people at PGA Cars, namely Kat, Martin, Roan, and Sir Amado, and I admit, I'll miss that terrifying feeling I get when I see Sir Spencer,hehe. I'll also miss Mr. Alan Unson of Prudential Guarantee. I'll also miss hanging out with Van and Ms. Esa at BPI Autoloans. I'll miss delivering magazines to BMW and the people in it (Ms.Frances, Sir Lito, Rachel, and Bernice). I'll also miss the warm and friendly people from CATS Motors (Mr. Felix Ang, Andros, Benjie, and Mr. Bobby Shaw). I'll surely miss Ms. Abu of Lufthansa. I'll also wouldn't forget the people I dealt with at Subaru (Sir Nicky, Sir Ariel, and Sherlyn). And also the people from Mitsubishi Motors who always appreciated my true talent - singing! (Sir Arlan and Sir Froi). And, of course, I wouldn't forget the Aftermarket MAFIA (Sir Sammy, Sir Arvin, Sir Bene, and Sir Atoy and his brother Ton). And how could I forget my friends in the ad agencies??? I'll miss the people in Maxus (Bernie, Pao, Migz, and Ms. Cris), Mindshare (Mikey the Boy Bangus, Carol, Gilda, Sir Paul, Sir Arnie, Sir Don, and Veron), Mccann (Pam, Ms. Lorie, Ms. Marsha, Ate Ivy, Sir Jam, Tammy, Jeff, Jem, and Jai), Maverick (Jasper, Ms. Lita, and Cielo), Starcom (Manong Guard! Jonna, Donna, Jaimie), Campaigns and Grey (Brian!), Mediawise (now pHd)(Ten, Ms. Ivy, and Sherwin), and Manprom people.

There are countless of memories in C! Magazine. There are a lot of which I will still look back 10 or 20 years from now. I have learned so much from Ms. Mayette and she will probably be the best boss I will ever have. I will miss the events that I went to and the magazine deliveries to Laguna. I will also miss the photoshoots and the test drives. I'll miss James' and Kevin's funny stories and also their insightful big brotherly advises. I'll miss bugging Chris and passing food to him when I couldn't finish my share. I'll miss singing for my clients (impromptu) during events. The Mitsubishi Christmas party back in '04 was the first time I sang to a big crowd. And I will never forget the natural high I felt being on-stage and sharing what I am passionate about.

This is a scary decision for me. I am in a point of my life wherein I still have to find myself. I have been living my life according to what is safe and what is convenient for other people. I lost myself when I was trying to be superwoman. At the end of the day, I'm just human like anyone else. Right now, I'm suffering from a lot of memory losses. I don't even wanna start on what can that mean. This is the result of all the stress in the office and at home. I'm just praying that I'll be able to fix myself during this sabbatical without taking any of the pills that were prescribed to me. I hate taking any medication that involves pills that are not the generic kind.

I'm starting to think of what to do during my rest period. Of course I'll be looking for work on the side. I was thinking of taking a culinary workshop and start a refresher course in driving. Or, I could also start singing again while I'm still waiting for results from job hunting. ;) I'm on a crossroad and I'm praying that God directs me to the right path.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Finding Another Spark of Love

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find another spark in some else. The kind of spark I experienced when I met him. That was at the tender age of 15, but it was when everything about the future is uncertain yet the destiny has somehow pre-empted itself. Is it possible that that magical moment could happen twice with two different people? Very superstitious, I know. But, isn't fate a part of the theological sense of God's will?

I tried to cut him off my life once. Letting the communication gap grow so I will be left in peace. Not bothered by my own confusions by his peculiar gestures and false hopes. As we have grown older, I realized how much the complications grew with how I feel about our friendship/relationship, or whatever you define it. I tried to cut him off again, but it was harder to resist him with his out-of-the-blue text messages and calls. I think in fear that I won't be able to breathe if I don't hear from him again. But, as days gone by and I'm still on the same old page in 10 years, I realized that I'm denying my own sadness about this situation. I have been denying what I trully feel whenever the cold, lonely moments come. And I had let him get away with hurting me too many times.

Maybe it's time to put my foot down and not let myself be a meantime-girl. All I need is the strength to avoid him and let him know what I really feel.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Finding My Way Back Into Love...

Way Back Into Love
*from the soundtrack of Music & Lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end oh, oh, oh, oh, oh