Cycle

It has always been a cycle. Finding each other, getting together, exchanging sweet nothings, then we drift apart again. The next time this cycle happened, I was more prepared of what is to come later on. I try not to hold on too tight to the sweetest memories that it brings. I already know that it would not bring any promise in the end. The hugs and the holding of hands doesn't mean anything. We're just friends. It doesn't matter if we do some things that sweethearts do. It can never happen between us because I've been all alone in this feeling and I am fully awake from the dreamy walks upon the rose tinted window where I fell and died in my own illusions. If only he knew how many guys I've turned down. I tried being with another, opened myself up to liking other guys, but I only end up longing for only him.

If I was wrong about what my heart has been telling me a long time ago, why do I still feel like I belonged in his arms whenever he hugs me? Why do I feel like I'll be holding his hand forever till we grow old everytime he would reach out to take mine? Why do I still feel like I belong to him and only him?

The holidays are over. We're back to facing the outside world where we both don't co-exist. I'm slowly losing him again. It would take several months again before he looks for me again. Maybe even years. I really wouldn't know what it is he wants from me. If he doesn't feel the same way, why does he keep coming back doing the same things all over again and then leave me behind?

What I only know is that time will tell what our real destiny is.