He's Different From The Other Guys

I've always been considered as "one of the boys". Mainly because I have a lot of guy friends. At work, I get along easier with the boys. I have as many close guy friends as I have close girl friends. I kinda learned a lot about them guys whenever I hang out with them. One thing I noticed about them is that they have grown too comfortable being guys when I'm with them. Things like burping loudly, checking out girls and saying what they think, and running to me for help with their dirty laundry. Dirty laundry meaning getting a girl pregnant, cheating on their girlfriends, getting out of a psychotic relationship, or simply doing something really stupid.



What is interesting about hanging out with guys is that you begin to learn about their behaviour towards women. And in return, I learn about what kind of guy should I be with or watching out for. Let's face it, we're not perfect. We're only human. We ALL make mistakes. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. Observing my guy friends, they do still have that sense of being a gentleman. Little things like, holding the door for you or complimenting you. Also, you begin to learn a sense of brotherhood with them. That's what everyone would call and unbelievingly think as the "platonic" friendship. No romantic feelings. Though physical attraction is a possibility, later on there are some qualities in the personalities that could clash which you will learn as you get to know the opposite sex better. Romance is something deeper and spiritual that it doesn't happen all the time.



The longer I get to know more about my guy friends, the more I learn to differentiate who are just being friends and who is acting a little bit different. Of all the guy friends that I've known, only one is different in his actions. Only one treats me differently. There's only one guy who I have friendship that is surrounded by a deeper mystery. It really confuses me so much because if we're just friends, why isn't he like my other guyfriends who treats me like I was one of their buddies? Why does he have a pet name for me? Why does his hand linger in mine or hug me like there's no tomorrow?

Cycle

It has always been a cycle. Finding each other, getting together, exchanging sweet nothings, then we drift apart again. The next time this cycle happened, I was more prepared of what is to come later on. I try not to hold on too tight to the sweetest memories that it brings. I already know that it would not bring any promise in the end. The hugs and the holding of hands doesn't mean anything. We're just friends. It doesn't matter if we do some things that sweethearts do. It can never happen between us because I've been all alone in this feeling and I am fully awake from the dreamy walks upon the rose tinted window where I fell and died in my own illusions. If only he knew how many guys I've turned down. I tried being with another, opened myself up to liking other guys, but I only end up longing for only him.

If I was wrong about what my heart has been telling me a long time ago, why do I still feel like I belonged in his arms whenever he hugs me? Why do I feel like I'll be holding his hand forever till we grow old everytime he would reach out to take mine? Why do I still feel like I belong to him and only him?

The holidays are over. We're back to facing the outside world where we both don't co-exist. I'm slowly losing him again. It would take several months again before he looks for me again. Maybe even years. I really wouldn't know what it is he wants from me. If he doesn't feel the same way, why does he keep coming back doing the same things all over again and then leave me behind?

What I only know is that time will tell what our real destiny is.