Fade Away

If you were wondering if he and I did go out for coffee, well, we didn't. It took me weeks to get the courage to write about it because I find myself dismissing the thought. Maybe it's because it said so much about how he feels and how he treats me. I find myself asking so many questions but couldn't bring myself to tell him. I told myself that day that I shouldn't expect for him to remember nor text me to confirm. I told myself that this time, I won't be the one who will be texting because he was the one who invited me. What hurt was that what I had expected was true and how it tells so much about what he really feels. The previous Sunday was just an illusion. It was misleading. As the song goes, "My imagination just stole me away". I felt so lost...and I still feel that way. I thought that my intuition felt so right that night and the other times we've spent together. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we were never meant to be...

He can't seem to tell me what he wants. He does peculiar things that really confuses me and at the same time makes me fall in love with him all over again. But, in the end, I am left hanging with the mystery of what his true intentions are. Yes, he's one great friend, and I value our friendship. It's just that lately, these feelings I have kept for years have gone deeper to the core of my soul and it has been implanted to my whole being. I've turned down guys for him for crying out loud!

Maybe it's time to move on and, this time, never look back.

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Underneath Unrequited Stars

Ok..so I was in a daze about seeing Superman (Brandon Routh) for the second time. Thought it would be a good diversion from thinking about my pseudo-best guy friend and all the confusion in our friendship. Which, in fact, kinda worked, until he texted me again last Sunday night just asking the same questions he asked the previous Sunday. I am like, "What is this? What in the world does he really want? He can't be asking these questions for nothing?!" Then he asked me to go with him next Sunday when he brings his sister back to her condo then we can have coffee after and catch up. A-HA! So, that's what he's been thinking! He repeated what he has told me a thousand times since we stopped seeing each other for occassional movie and coffee dates - he missed me. I couldn't be too sure about the truth in that but I told him just the same. After all, I was sure that it was what I felt. We were exchanging text messages while he's driving eventhough I told him not to because it was dangerous. He ended up calling my cellphone while he's on his way back to our village. Time: 11:45pm. We talked for about 20 minutes. He said the words that I longed to hear and not just see through text messages. He said it with the sincerest and sweetest way that I felt dizzy in confusion with the whole friendship thing between us.

"*sigh* I miss you..."
"I miss you too..."

A voice inside my head kept repeating, "Prepare to be kissed..."

He suddenly had this brilliant idea of picking me up at my house in the middle of the night to go to the park and talk. Was it "The Talk"? It turns out that it wasn't. We just caught up with each others' lives. Like any old friends would do whenever time and work has kept them apart. Did I sense a strong feeling that he wanted to kiss me under the moonlight? Very strong. But it didn't happen. Maybe it's been a long time since we've seen each other. Even I would feel wrongly about it. Eventhough it didn't happen, it was just ok because I know that if he did want to kiss me, it would be at a right time and for the right reason.