Sober
I had this strangest feeling that I would bump into him that night. I pushed the thought aside but I still opened my cellphone and there it was - our picture four months ago. I've saved it as a wallpaper despite the fact that I'm supposed to be doing my best at living my life in a different direction. The memories just wouldn't stop giving me flash backs in my head. I admit that deep down, I still miss him. I miss the old friend who used to frequently update on me. The old friend who used to look for me now and then even if it was twice or thrice a month. Now, I can only feel this void in my life where he used to be. The old friend who used to tell me how much he missed me while he gathers me in a tight hug. Even if he only sees me as a close friend, I can only content myself because what was important was his constant presence in my life.
I know that I may not be the one to make him happy. I always told myself that if letting him go is the only way that I could make him happy, I would sacrifice just to make that happen. If only he knows everything that's been going on within me. I have been yearning for his hugs. But I have to be brave and learn to be whole on my own.
I locked the keys on my cellphone and turned my attention to the traffic ahead. I tried to divert my thoughts to my work and my goal of losing weight. The goal of losing weight is to stealth myself from him. If I can't move to another country, then I would have to make myself unrecognizable.
We saw each other at the drop off near our village. I felt my knees go weak. A clear sign of what I still feel in my heart. I tried to compose myself. He caught me in a half hug. Something that made me a little sad. It was like it was also half-hearted. When he got my gym bag, it was something that was so natural between us. We walked together to the tricycle station but I still feel like he's so far away. We sat sardined in the cabby but it felt like he's not there. I wanted to ask him if there's anyone special in his life right now, but I was too much of a coward to go there. But the absence in his eyes, I can only tell that maybe...there is someone else in his mind. I never really knew what goes on his head. He's always capable of sending mixed signals that only leads me nowhere.
I can only hope that whatever's going on with him, that he wouldn't forget about our times together.
I know that I may not be the one to make him happy. I always told myself that if letting him go is the only way that I could make him happy, I would sacrifice just to make that happen. If only he knows everything that's been going on within me. I have been yearning for his hugs. But I have to be brave and learn to be whole on my own.
I locked the keys on my cellphone and turned my attention to the traffic ahead. I tried to divert my thoughts to my work and my goal of losing weight. The goal of losing weight is to stealth myself from him. If I can't move to another country, then I would have to make myself unrecognizable.
We saw each other at the drop off near our village. I felt my knees go weak. A clear sign of what I still feel in my heart. I tried to compose myself. He caught me in a half hug. Something that made me a little sad. It was like it was also half-hearted. When he got my gym bag, it was something that was so natural between us. We walked together to the tricycle station but I still feel like he's so far away. We sat sardined in the cabby but it felt like he's not there. I wanted to ask him if there's anyone special in his life right now, but I was too much of a coward to go there. But the absence in his eyes, I can only tell that maybe...there is someone else in his mind. I never really knew what goes on his head. He's always capable of sending mixed signals that only leads me nowhere.
I can only hope that whatever's going on with him, that he wouldn't forget about our times together.
posted by Summer at
9:33 PM
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