Ending A Mystery

Life can be such a dark fairytale. How do you write an end to a unrequited love story? I've been trying to learn how to let go of a guy who I thought was THE ONE. Ten years have passed and he still crosses my mind like a ghost. Haunting me because of a love that is restless and lingering.

I still don't know what to think of his actions, both now and before. Sometimes he's warm when he's there. And there are times when we would drift apart because he becomes cold, I don't know why. I just decided that he's not really into me. Maybe he only thought of me as a friend who could also be his pseudo mean-time girl. Maybe that is why I am too careful when I'm with him. I pretend not to know that he's just using me as a past time girl.

I had secretly hoped that my aunt in Switzerland would ask for me to take care of her during her operation. It would be as good as a temporary escape until I disappear altogether in a world where he also existed. I want to forget about him so I could move on.

I used to believe in the romance of fate and destiny. The wonder of the unseen and extraordinary in relationships. How one knows that he/she is the one he/she will spend the rest of their lives with. During this sabbatical solitude I'm in, I learned that you can't get all the things you want in life. Some things are not meant to be and there's nothing you can do about it. That's just the way it is.

It's going to be a tough and long journey to recovery. I know it's going to be hard to erase all the special feelings I have for him. Avoiding him wouldn't be too hard. He just pops in and out when he feels like it - which makes that once in a blue moon.

Lately, I've been driving my life to a different direction. It would be as good as if I had disappeared from the world where we co-existed. I just hope I will be able to seriously and completely let go of these feelings I have for him.

Drift

He hasn't been replying to my messages. I really don't know what's wrong. I keep looking back if I did something wrong that has offended him. I couldn't come up with anything. We haven't spoken nor seen each other for a month. Does this mean that he has fallen for someone else and that he doesn't want me lingering around in his life? I am tempted to ask him if he's mad at me about something. He used to return the smiles on-line eventhough he's at work. But now, he doesn't. If I ask him what's wrong, would he react? Would it bring out the obvious? Would it start an awkward moment? I don't know if I should let things be. Maybe he's really busy at work.

I don't know what to think anymore. It's really confusing that I wanna cry. It feels like we're drifting apart again. What am I to him? I thought we were close friends? Why is he avoiding me?