Fast Lane

**When I was younger and I get to watch about the lives of celebrities on television, I used to ask God, "Why can't my life be more interesting?" Now that my life revolves around work, family, band, and other things, I feel rather dazed with all of these happening all at once. When I watch about celebs on tv right now, I begin to see it in a different light. I began to ask a different question, "How do they keep up with everything?!" Just a thought....

**I haven't been posting entries as often as I used to these days. My day usually starts waking up at 5am and turning around to delay the alarm till 6am. My schedule during the day would go by like a whirlwind. With series of meetings inside and out of the office. I've been juggling work, the band, family time, and other extra curricular activities in our small village (eventhough I couldn't commit to all of them). Then, I come home, eat dinner or go straight to my room to rest. I don't get to watch my favorite tv shows anymore! But, I am enjoying the activities that keeps me busy eventhough it's tiring sometimes. I try my best to balance everything that's been going on in my life right now. There are still some issues that I have to work on. Jist: family, work, love life. I hope that God will guide me to the right path.

**I would like to thank my friends who have posted their comments. Thanks for cheering me on :) That really means a lot to me. I'm trying my best to stay strong with this big obstacle in my life.

**We had another successful gig last Friday at San Beda College in Taytay, Rizal. That's the farthest gig we've been to! Again, Jihan got the crowd wild with her charms! Especially with the boys! Hehehe... Jihan, you cradle snatcher you! Hihihihihihi... All I can say is, I know that our band will go a long way! Guys, I know I have been spaced out lately when I am with you. I'm just going through tough times right now. I just couldn't share everything that has been going through my mind. But, deep inside I am really proud of you guys!

**There's a lady I met in one of my trips to a client. I was waiting patiently for my late client to arrive to work and she was gracious enough to entertain me for she noticed that I was getting bored with waiting and doing nothing but stare at the walls of their office. She couldn't offer me any magazine nor newpaper for they don't usually keep them in the office after Friday. This happened on a Monday, by the way. The newspaper guy was obviously late that day. She was a delightful person and she began to share about her views about the world and her life. Being a professional during the day, I'm not usually open to any personal conversations with strangers. But, this lady was exceptional. There was something about her that saw through me in some mysterious way. I just let her talk. She began to tell me a story about her love life. How she was torn between two guys that she liked. One was a friend that she has been hiding her feelings from for years and couldn't tell if he feels the same way eventhough he shows signs that are similar to the other guys who pursued her. She couldn't tell him her feelings nor could she play along with his pseudo friendly flirtations for he has a girlfriend. The other was a real suitor who would move heaven and earth to woe her heart but the problem was she didn't feel as deeply. She liked him alright, but she only saw him as a friend. She was afraid to tell him that she's in love with someone else in fear that she will break his heart. She asked me for advice on what I thought about her situation and what I think is the best way to deal with her dilemma. I just stared at her... Even I have been looking for the right answers myself.

Scenes Through A Car Window

I went for a trip to a beach resort yesterday for a photo shoot for the magazine company I work in. As I sat quietly at the back, I was looking out the window and stared blankly at the passing trees. I was thinking about a lot of things going on in my life these days. A lot has happened during the days that I failed to write here. Why, you ask? There were too many things I wanted to write about but so little time. There were too many things going on that I don't know where to begin. I'm in a part of my life where I'm facing a lot of difficult situations and pressured to make hard decisions. Realizations seem to slowly cut deep as time passes and I have a deadline for a great decision in my life. At this young age, I feel like I've lived too long.

There has been many drastic changes that has happened lately. My friend has once again reminded me that I think too much. He doesn't know half of the reason why I think too much. I'm handling a lot of pressures at home, at work, and band schedules. How would you feel if your mother tells you that the family's about to get broke? Then she tells you on the verge of tears that she might have to sell some of our stuff in the house. It breaks my heart to see her like that. I spent the whole day thinking about that and the expression on my mom's face. This IS serious. I felt really sorry for her and at the same time frustrated, angry, depressed, and helpless. Too many reasons that I'd rather not disclose here. It's just too complicated. My younger brother came home for the week end from art school and he noticed the sadness on my face. I have been rather too quiet that day and he must've sensed that something was wrong. When he asked me if everything was alright, I just told him that nothing's wrong and that I'm ok. I don't feel that it's the right time to tell him such serious things for I wouldn't want him to worry too much. I wanted him to concentrate on school. For the first time in my life, I felt like a parent at that moment. Sometimes it makes me think that giving up the things that makes me happy and brings life to my world is the only way to keep the family afloat. I felt my head ache. This is going to be suicidal...metaphorically speaking, that is. Then, I remembered our gig that night. I couldn't let this affect our performance. Especially when the band depends on me and our friends will be coming to watch us perform. I couldn't let them down.

I watched the family we were taking pictures of. I watched how they are with one another and it made me look back to the old days when we were young and my father was still living. Upto this day, I still wished he was still alive. The piano in the living room has been silent for seven years.

With matters of the heart, well... Let's just say I'm confused with the things that I see for now. Someone is knocking at the door of my heart...