Dreams

Everytime he would cross my mind, it feels like he's so far away from my heart. I tried so hard to forget him but there would always be something around me that would remind me of him. I tried to think that it's over, that I have to end this feeling I have in me for years. It's a struggle to get over a great feeling. We're so distant from each other and I don't know where it began. It was like yesterday when we were having fun together and that you can still feel his presence. That suddenly changed now. I have to draw the line between friendship and this feeling I have inside me. We're just friends but something in that thin line is all too familiar and peculiar. And then this happens. He has become distant. I know it could happen to any friend. But this one? It's all too confusing. It's making me numb about him.

I prayed for him last night before I went to sleep despite this growing distance that's making my heart numb. I couldn't even care less about the humid weather and the black out as I fell asleep to the tapping of rain on the roof and the dim lights of small candles around my room. Then, I dreamed about him. It's been a long time since I've had those dreams of him that almost felt so real. I saw him walk down the road. I was with some people sitting in the middle of the street. I turned my back so he woudln't see me. I wondered if he would look for me. When he passed, he took a step back and looked for me. He called my name. I turned and looked at a smiling face of a guy who made me feel different. That feeling shot through me again like I just came home. I went to him walking slowly then ran to meet him. We fell into an embrace that almost felt like I was really feeling him envelope me inside his arms. All the feelings that I have kept locked away, bursted like a flame. I was crying when he held me and lifted my face and asked me what has been happening to me. It's a long story, I told him. I didn't want to let go but I was awaken by the sound of my mom's t.v. upstairs. The electricity has come back. I hoped that the dream would continue when I went back to sleep, but it didn't. It's been a long time since I've had those dreams.

Torn between two events

Angelo, me, and Zennia at BMW Club 1 Party at The Embassy, The Fort

I was so looking forward to watch The Da Vinci Code this Friday night because I get to watch it for FREE. It was a movie premiere that was sponsored by our valued client, Prestige BMW. Come Friday morning, I got to talk to my contact in BMW Philippines (BMW Phils. Head Office) who informed me that we are also invited to the Club 1 party that same night, which all along I thought that only the editors were invited that's why my boss confirmed us to the DVC Premiere of Prestige BMW. My contact from the head office expressed her hopes that we would go to the party even if we have to go after the movie premiere. I asked Zen how long the movie would take so I would know if the time would permit. She said it lasted almost 3 hours when she watched it. Damn... I went to my boss and informed her of the situation. She told me that she has to be at the movie premiere because it was the first event that she committed to and that her presence is expected by our other contact there. She saw the troubled confused expression on my face and she laughed at how torn I was with the situation. She told me to think about it and come back to her when I have made my decision. I went to the advertising "aquarium" and thought about it. I can't just leave Zen to go alone at the party because as senior AE I have to introduce her to our contacts in BMW Phils. and I have a pending transaction with BMW Phils. If I go after the movie, I am sure that I will feel too tired to go partying at Embassy. I guess I have no choice but to go to the Club 1 Party, I thought. I went to my boss and told her of my decision.

In fairness, I thought, at least I was able to party and go home early. The movie hasn't finished when Zen and I went home. I was exchanging text messages with my boss updating each other on what's been happening to the events that we went to. And, I was able to bring home this cool shot glass that was served with what they call, BMW Drink. It was made of plastic and has a tiny bulb at the bottom that lights up when two metal pins are touched by liquid. Cool, huh?!

Drowning

A lot has happened lately that has made me feel really sad. I know that I have been laughing and have joked around with people around me. I thought that by doing that, it would make things seem lighter to bear in my chest. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really change anything. I still feel down with the things that has been bugging my life lately. Friends and family would think that I have got it all going on smoothly. Deep inside, I'm already screaming for help for I am drowning in my own miseries. It's hard when all of your friends seem to be preoccupied with their own lives that you couldn't bother them with your own fears like you used to when you were all just regular teen agers growing up together sharing similar sentiments about life. Things are different now, I would constantly remind myself. People change as the world evolves. I should learn how to be my own bestfriend.

I have been so wanting to get as far away from it all for a long time now. I want some time alone to think things over and re-asses my life. I don't care anymore if I went alone. I just feel like being alone for a while...

A Stormy Weather for a Quick Getaway

The storm has just entered the islands just when our choir has scheduled our much anticipated summer outing. As I woke up in to the strong winds outside my window and in my room that was dark and damp. The electricity hasn't come back since it went out early at dawn. I looked over to my cellphone that I left charging overnight. Two bars... Great! Now what am I gonna do when I get to Laguna? Charles called and asked if I was ready. I told him that I'll be riding with Mito and Ranier later at 10am. When we ended our conversation, I looked at my phone again. I just grumbled when I saw that that the battery was left with 1 bar. I just grumbled my curse and packed my things. I wasn't able to get my things together last night because I was too tired from work.

Ranier calls me around 9am feeling paranoid with the storm and worried parents. I told him we couldn't back down anymore with the weather because most of the choir left already. Rain or shine, we did go. Besides, this is the only time we could have some adventure. ;)

On the road, my Mom called me 5 times but I wasn't able to answer. I guess I was enjoying myself too much with all the running in the rain at the Petron gas station during stop over and being awed by the storm outside the car window and ranting and raving about our day inside the car. When I saw my phone, my battery is almost empty. I decided to call her up and assure her that we'll be fine---I hope. When I called, it was my younger brother who answered. My mom was driving them back home from the mall. He asked me where I was going and I told him. He said, "Sino kasama mo? (Who's with you?) Si ****** noh?! (It's ****** isn't it?!)" "Of course not!" I exclaimed. And the teasing went on and on... A few minutes later, we got a text message from one of the people who went ahead that there was no electricity in the rest house. Perfect! Just Perfect! By the time we arrive there, all our phones would be dead. Most of us weren't able to fully charge our phones the previous night because of the black out.

It was quite a journey on the way to the rest house in Cavinti, Laguna (...did I get that right...?) We came upon a narrow path that lead us to a small house. It didn't look like a house that would have a pool. Again, we ran to get our bags at the back of Mito's car and to the house. We walked around the side of the house. It lead us to a wide balcony over looking a vast bed of trees and the Laguna lake. It was awesome... I asked where the pool was and Gino pointed down from the railing, to this...

"Not bad..." I thought. I breathed in the fresh Laguna air and welcomed the chilly weather. I guess it wouldn't be that bad if we were caught up in a storm while we take a swim. Despite the cold weather, we got into our swim clothes and plunged into the icy water. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had no idea what time it was because most of us don't have watches since we depended on our cellphones to tell the time. All our cellphones were useless during that time. We climbed the long flight of stairs back to the rest house as soon as we got tired of swimming.

Gino, Charles, Ai, and Archie hit the grills as soon as we had settled in the house. The ones who didn't want to add to the crowd of the cooking experts, entertained ourselves by lighting candles around the house and sharing iPods with each other - singing at the top of our lungs with different songs.

Everyone enjoyed dinner. It was fantastic! After that, we all went out to the balcony to have our usual bonding session - where, in the end, I got drunk... hehe...