He's Just Not That Into You

There are a lot of things about our friendship that is confusing. We're both confusing. I just don't know what it means when he holds my hand or hugs me or say something that is really sweet. I just don't know why after a moment with him, the day after seems so different. "He's just not that into you" I keep telling myself. I read it in a book with that same title on the wake up calls about guys who are not really interested but says the things we, women, want to hear which misleads us and makes us leaving in hope that they really do mean what they said.

If he really is interested, he would make time to call me or make time to spend as much time with me. Right? And nothing will stop him from being with me despite the baggages that I carry in my heart.

That's why everytime we see each other, I cherish every second. Yet, everytime we're together, I hold back a lot of what I really feel. Because I know what tomorrow will be like.

So, it's plain and simple. No follow through, then it's just friends. Nothing more.

26 :)

For the past few weeks, I have been dreading the arrival of my 26th birthday. A lot of personal reasons that I cannot even begin where to start. And, don't worry, I'm not going to enumerate them to bore you. I'll just tell about the light and happy events that happened before THE Day. ;)

Tuesday (Or was it Wednesday?)

I was talking to Isa a few nights ago about a possible hang out party with choir friends at BBQ Sentral in Aguirre, BF. Isa is good friends with DJ, one of the owners of Sentral that's why I asked for her valuable connections to get reservations if ever this would push through. I say, "If ever", because I was hoping to collect some commissions from my previous sales in C! Magazine. The reason I wanted to celebrate with choir friends is because I wanted to celebrate my recovery from my ankle injury and it's also a "thank you" treat for them because they all had a part in taking care of me during my "saklay" days. I really prayed for this to push through.

Thursday

Ms. Mayette, my former boss, told me that the mix up with the commissions computation has been cleared and that I can come to the office to get it. YESSSS!!! I started to text my choir friends about the upcoming celebration. :)

Friday

As I was on my way out of my house, Mito texted me asking where I was. I tried to recall if we had any plans on going to Makati together but I couldn't remember ever talking to him for the past few days this week. I told him I'm on my way out of the house to go to Makati and asked him why. He told me to stay where I am. It turns out, he wanted to give me his gift before he leaves for a seminar at Fontana and because he'll be there for the week end so which means he won't be able to join us at Sentral. Aaaaawwww! :)
My morning wasn't really going as planned. I came to C! early but Mai, the accountant, was late. And when I got the check, I realized that I wasn't able to bring any ID so I could encash the money! I had to take the first taxi out of the building and went back home.
As I got back to Makati, I went straight to Union Bank. The peak of my stressful day was just beginning. I had to wait for an HOUR in line! I observed the tellers and the people approaching them. They had a number system and I was their 10th customer. But I noticed that they were letting some people get ahead of some people in line. I tried my best to gather up as much patience as I could. I looked at the clock on my cellphone. It was almost 1pm and Ms. Mayette and Nana has been calling and texting me asking where I was. They were waiting for me at UCC Cafe for lunch. When my number was up, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then shortly after, the guy behind the counter told me that I have to wait because he ran out of cash n his drawer and that we had to wait for the cashier to finish with her client. Despite my growing irritation and desire to let out a scream, I walked slowly back to my seat with a growl sounding in my chest. I was tired, sleepy, and FREAKING HUNGRY I could make out kinds of food on people's faces. That slow guy behind the counter was beginning to look like lechon. Several numbers has called and I was still in my seat - waiting for kingdom come. I couldn't take it anymore! I stood up and walked over to the counter to the lechon-looking beast behind the counter. I started to become really sarcastic when I told him that I noticed that they have been giving priority to some people, who also seem to be their personal aquaintances, instead of sticking to their bank policy of "first come first served". I asked him who the cashier is. He pointed to the lady talking to an American and his mistress from the other side of the room discussing a lost account that was going on since the last hour. I asked him if there's anyone else authorized to assist him with his little dillema. He said that that lady's the only person authorized. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my irritation and growing hunger. I was being sarcastic again with my rants. A bank officer behind him heard the dillema and asked what lechon-face's problem is. "Ma'm, wala na po kasi akong cash sa drawer ko. Hinihintay ko po matapos siya (cashier lady)."
"So, how long will that take this time? Another century?" I snapped.
The bank officer took a look at the check I gave them. It turned out that lechon-face wasn't able to check with the other branch for clearance. "Robert! Why didn't you check this earlier? Bakit hindi mo sakin sinabi? Hindi problema ang cash. I can get that for you. Pinahintay mo tuloy ng matagal yung cliente! Mag apologize ka. (Which lechon-face didn't do)" And, I can hear her saying inside her head, "Duh! Officer ako dito noh!"
Anyway, after that, I ran to UCC Cafe to meet with Ms. Mayette and Nana for lunch. They could tell by my pale frowning face that my BP must be at its peak. They let me finish ranting about my Union Bank experience and quickly signaled the waitress to hand me a menu quick. Ms. Mayette moved her arms and pretended to fan the fumes coming out of my nose and ears and said "Breathe, Mabel! Breathe!" like it was some kind of mantra.
When I got my Salmon and Spinach pasta, I let them do all the talking. I just nodded over my food to everything they were saying. I was soooo hungry! I didn't even notice them ask me a question. It was something about my love life. HA! Love life! Can't seem to find any luck on that!
When I was appeased with my hunger, I calmed down and began to join in with the conversation. There were a lot of things that we had to catch up on. Then all of a sudden, my plate was replaced with another plate with a small cake on it. Ms, Mayette and Nana had wide smiles on their faces as they greeted me 'Happy Birthday!" I feel like some tears are threatening to expose me. I was surprised for the second time today and already I feel overwhelmed.

Saturday

I skipped Chinese day at Chef Logro's workshop because I had the later part of my day full. Bettina and I practiced early at the church for my responsorial psalm for the following day. "He" happened to ask me about my plans for Saturday night because he wanted to hang out. Probably to catch up on things because we haven't seen each other for a long time. As much as I would like to spend time with him (despite the fact that I was secretly hurt that he wasn't able to visit me when I was stuck home when I got injured and sad that I know that he probably has no idea that it happens to be my birthday tomorrow), I was torn because I already had plans for the whole night. He never mentioned anything or hinted anything that concerns my birthday. I asked him if it's ok if we go out the next day but the thing is, I have a family dinner too. He was gracious enough to agree to go out after that even if we have to catch the last full show. Probably because he didn't have to worry the next day because it was a holiday. I didn't mention anything about my birthday. I wasn't the type of person who would remind people about it. And I haven't been feeling that special to him for a long time.
The night at BBQ Sentral was great. Eventhough everyone didn't make it, I was still happy that everyone had a good time. :) Moby, Val, Isa, Ranier, Inggie, Jeff, and Nikki made it to the little get together. We made new friends that night too. A common friend of Ranier's and Nikki's, Jenny and Noel happen to be there too and we let them squeeze in with us at the table. Reservation at BBQ Sentral is really tough so we let them join us. Thanks to Isa, we were able to get in soon enough when we got to the place. ;)

Sunday

I hitched an early ride home with Ranier and left the others back in Sentral because I had to get enough sleep to prep up for tomorrow's mass. I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't. Damn! I was able to doze off a little around 5am. But had to drag myself out of the comforts of my bed around 6am because I had to meet up with Bettina around 7am to warm up before the mass.
When I came home after brunch, I attempted to get myself some sleep. I still couldn't doze off. I got up and took a bath. It might do the trick. True enough, I was able to sleep a little around 3pm and woke up with a start at 6pm. My Mom knocked on the door and told me that maybe we should just have food delivered at home since the car wasn't working properly. I just grunted as my sign of agreement. I checked my cellphone and there were several more messages of greetings and well wishes from friends and an uncle. I texted them back to thank them and suddenly remembered 'him'. I sent him a message to just text me if we're pushing through tonight. Still, I didn't tell him it was my birthday. I already pictured how the night will go. Same ol' movie and coffee hang out and catching up with no special greetings. He'll probably just find out later by himself like he always do which I had always expected. It's rare that he would remember on the exact day like it was not often that we see each other these days.

He said that we're still pushing through tonight. He had planned on watching at least the last full show and grab a coffee later. I was thinking maybe I can treat him for the coffee and still get away with not telling him it was my birthday.
He arrived at exactly 9pm. I wasn't ready yet and I was more of expecting he'd text me before he came over! When I came out of the room, I found him looking at our family pictures at the dining room. Waaaah! He probably saw my baby picture with my older brother! I had an ugly hair that time! I quickly motioned towards the door so he would follow me and not look long enough at the other pictures to notice anything funny. He quickly said goodbye to my younger brother who was just about to set up the fan for him.
By the time we got in his car, he said, "Happy Birthday!" I looked at him in shock. The first word that came out of my mouth was, "Ay!" like I was caught in a trap. I felt the tears threatening me once again at that moment and I tried my best to smile through it so he wouldn't notice. HE REMEMBERED! He knew all along that my birthday was coming up and he had been thinking of what to do with me on my special day. All these times, I was sad that I had already expected that he would never give any highlight about my birthday in his life. He treated me out that night and I never felt so good in a long time. Later that night, as we were on our way back to BF, I was still in wonder how he remembered on time. And he just said, "Bakit, you were planning not to tell me?" Hello! What did he want me to do? Tell him, Hey, it's my birthday. So, you should treat me out? I wasn't expecting he would take me out for my birthday. :p But it was definitely a sweet surprise. :) I am happy that he was the last person I spent it with him. :)

I'd say, I've never had a memorable birthday in a very long time. :)