Bratty

I feel bratty today. I don't why. I'm having these mixture of feelings inside my chest and I don't know what the root cause of all these is. I feel irritated, cold, sad, unappreciated, taken for granted, confused, and tired. Maybe it's because of the many things that happened over the past few weeks. There were changes and biting realities that are trying to change my life. Argh... I don't know what to think right now. I think I need a break and just be by myself for a while to sort things out inside my head.

An Afternoon With My Pamunchkins!!!

My nephews from Australia came home for a visit a couple of weeks ago with their parents, cousin Marisse and Lino. This is the only chance I got to see them and bond with them. Wish they could stay longer!

Carlos' bungisngis smile! Manang-mana kay Ninang Mavs! hehehehe!

My godson's now a little man :)

Carlos, Mario, and Ninang Mavs

The Shallow Match Maker

So, I have let go - again - of the only one person that really mean something to me in terms of a rare and special connection. Moving on, I'm on a look out again for possible prospects. Some people know this and what I really don't like is when someone tries to insist someone on me. I appreciate the help of looking for other guys for me, but, puhleeeeeazzzz, don't insist someone who I wouldn't and will never date! And especially when that person would keep the poor guy's heart in false hopes. And, puhleeazzz!!!! Don't blame me if your match making didn't work out. Because, in the first place, I didn't do anything and we didn't interact in anyway.

I don't like it when people would insist a guy on me and say that this guy has a car, or belongs to a rich family, or even say that we would look good together because we're both chubby. What the hell?! What's up with that?! First of all, so what if a guy has a car or has everything that his wealth can buy? Sorry, but that is not what I'm looking for in a guy. That doesn't measure up to how great a guy he is. And, so what if we're both of the same physique? Honey, can you be more shallow? Do you think that only fat people are attracted to each other? Think again, my friend. Think again. I had my first boyfriend when I was still over weight. I was around 135lbs. and he was around 110lbs. and he was attracted to how I am. Now that I am 20lbs. lighter, I still haven't had a steady boyfriend after my last relationship. My point is, you cannot base attraction by physical similarities. It has to be more than that.

Losing Connection

I have buried myself with work just to divert my thoughts and emotions. I laughed, stressed myself over work, and kept myself busy at home by doing chores. It did help, but I thought these distractions would make me numb for a long time. As the week end came, I began to feel the pain setting in. Damn, I'm missing him. I am beginning to feel like I'm losing this special connection I always knew. I keep on asking the same questions and finding possible reasons why we have come again to a gray area where I'm confused about . There's only one answer to it and I just didn't want to face it. He's just not into me.

Maybe, we're just meant to be friends after all.

I am once again trapped in my own secret. I guess I should just keep it and put it back to where I stored it away. Maybe things would different in another lifetime.

It's going to be a challenge to open myself up to other possibilities. I tried eyeing other guys for boyfriend material. And you know what, I still couldn't find anyone who could make me feel that same spark I felt when I first met him. I don't want to date just any other guy because I've learned my lesson from the past. I let go of him and dated guys that came my way because they said the things I longed to hear from him. Both guys ended up just trampling on my foolish heart.

But, we'll see... I know it's still too early to say that I'm never going to find Mr. Right...

Sunset at Sta. Elena

The following photos were beautifully taken by our multi-talented editor, James Deakin. These were taken during our photoshoot at Sta. Elena during sunset. The sunset was facing us giving the pictures a dramatic effect illuminating our faces despite the rainy weather.

Solo Pic

Photo taken by James Deakin

Kookie's Angels

Photo taken by James Deakin

My Experience Riding the Mercedes Benz E240

My officemate and I picked up a Mercedez-Benz E240 at a car dealer today. We borrowed it for a photoshoot for one of our magazines. He got so excited when he was assigned to drive it and keep it overnight. The original plan was that he was supposed to get the Chrysler Town & Country, a van that is fit to be "a soccer mom's car". Since our editor decided to drive the Chrysler for the mean time, he got so excited that he gets to be the first to drive it. As we were on our way back to the office, we were enjoying the car. We were singing and swaying to the tune of "Everafter". I was kinda amused at my officemate because he never sang and moved his hand in the air whenever he plays that song in the car. "Everafter" happens to be his favorite song lately. Being the easy-going gal I was, I let him be and joined his singing and moves. It was a terrific ride because it was smooth and quiet. The only noise you could hear was the song and our singing. You can't even feel the engine's buzz whenever we would stop. It even has a moon roof that you could open and air conditioning that you can control on either side of the driver's and passenger's seat.

We waved happily to our other officemates who were on the other car which was a white Honda CR-V. We had wide smiles on our faces as he drove on EDSA. As we turned right to Ayala Ave., a MAPSA enforcer waved at us to pull over. Our smiles suddenly dropped to a panicked-stricken expression. "Mavs, di ba '0' ang ending number ng plate nito?" he asked worriedly. I quickly fumbled through the folder that the dealer gave to me and checked the plate number that was registered on the E240. To my dismay, I read that the plate number ended in "2". S*#T! The car was coded! After all the reasoning we made and phone calls to the dealer, the freakin' MAPSA officer still confiscated my officemate's license. As we made our way to the office, we were dead silent. No "Everafter", no singing, no waving of hands in the air, and NO SMILING...

Grumpy strikes back!!!

On the other hand...

Hey,Carlo. You better tell me in detail what happened. I think we should have one of those long talks again, hehehe.

In my previous entry, I was talking about why guys don't call after a date. Now, what if the story is the other way around? If a guy keeps on calling or texting a girl who never replies, it means only one thing: dude, she's just not into you. But, what if the girl sometimes replies, you ask. I ask you in return, if you're not into the girl who's been bugging you after a date, don't you feel pressured to tell her what she wants to hear? "oh, hi. yeah, i've been busy e....yeah, we should go out again sometime...i'll call you..." Yeah, right! As if you will, right? You wouldn't want to tell her flat out that you're just not into her. You wouldn't want her to go around yacking to her girlfriends about how you were brutally honest to her (plus, add, and multiply to the real story) because it might ruin your rep to other chicks. You know how the grapevine works.

We girls are also sensitive enough not to reject you directly. This is how we somehow deal with nice guys who we date but just didn't feel any connection with. It's hard for us to tell you in your face that it's not gonna work out. It can either be that we don't feel that connection or that we can't feel a spark going on with you. Remember, women have a strong sense of intuition. It's supernatural sensor we have in the center of our being that men can't understand and we, women can't explain.

What if you say, "But, she replies naman to my text messages. We even share a few laughs together and she's nice to me naman. Sometimes, she doesn't reply or it takes a looooong time before she replies to some of my texts. I even go out of my way for her on some things but she politely refuses. What's the deal?" Dude, it can mean a two things: she only sees you as a friend or she's just not into you. We wouldn't want you to waste your time on us on getting yourself into the trouble of being superman for the day because if your hoping that one day you will get that sweet "yes" or "oo", it's not gonna happen. It's better if you spend your time and effort to someone who deserves your kindness. There are special cases when we only see the guy as a friend. We know our friends very well, especially when we have guy friends that we hang out with. We know if a guy does something that is not already usual for a friend to do. Don't push it too much. You might be pushing us away as well.

For example, I met a guy whom I met through a friend several months ago. We started to get to know each other and became friends instantly. He's a very nice guy with a big heart. He started to text me everyday and to the point where he would ask me if I ate already or if I'm already home. He panicked one time when I couldn't be reached through my cellphone and it was already late at night. He said that he got really worried. I was like, "Relax, dude. I was just in the studio jamming with the band. There was no signal in there." I was thinking, my guy friends was never that concerned about me. A few months later, he asked me if he can court me. It was hard but, I turned him down. I couldn't lie to him and to myself. I didn't feel anything extraordinary. I only saw him as a friend. I'm just not into him in the love department but I really valued him as a friend. And, as a friend would be honest to another friend, I didn't like to mislead him nor lie.

So, Carlo, my buddy ol' pal, I have yet to hear your story. Every one has a different story. I know what you're gonna say, "Read my blog." Dude, your blogs are soooooooo looooooooooooong. I'd rather hear it from you nalang para short cut, hehehe. :) Thanks for posting a comment! ;)