Changes

Don't you hate it when you go through changes in your life and learn to get used to it? You just wish that everything would just remain the same but you know that you can't keep things as they are. People change, people move away to different places, and people pass. It's the only way to grow and live life to the fullest. Learn how to deal with different realities in life. There are a lot of adjustments to do.

Letting go is hard to do. I think what makes it hard to do is that there is the fear of uncertainty of what is ahead. Will your paths cross again? Will you ever keep in touch? Will you remember the times spent together? Will you ever find that happiness again as you go along living life on your own? What is to become of what you had left behind?

It's sad to see friends, good neighbors, and relatives move away knowing that you won't be spending the usual days with them anymore. The things that you got used to. You know that it's hard for them to leave too. They will be facing a lot of changes once they get to the new place where they will live.

Aine and I went to see John and Carla for the last time before they left for the US. It was a solemn goodbye. It was hard to even say it because it was something that sounded so final. It was even hard to share laughs because you know that that is one of the things that you'll miss when they're gone. It was even hard to give an advise on long distance relationship to John and Grace, his girlfriend. You have a really good feeling about their relationship but you also know that it takes time to test how strong they feel for each other. What I could only say was the reality of things. Carla gave us one last hug that night before we left them to finish packing. We didn't go with them to the airport anymore. Aside from being told by mom not to go anymore, it will be hard for me to see them off. I hate bringing relative and friends to the airport. The last time I was supposed to see a friend off, I cried non-stop. Yes, John and Carla, it's really silly of me! We'll really miss you guys back here in little old Tahanan Village. This will always be your home. :)


Funny how you could still remember the silly things you did when you were younger. Seeing old friends and reminiscing about the things you did for fun and realize that it was actually an embarrassing thing to do. Some couples grow apart and some old couples cross paths and fall in love again. It was a classic moment. You realize what changes you went through in between. Darn it... Now that song is stuck in my head.."Praise his name and see it haaappen.." With that classic dance choreography flashing in my memory... Long story... it's funny to even describe what we did back then. ;p Sigh... those were the days...

Memoirs of a Dreamy Summer

I spent a week at home recovering from a viral infection in my throat and a minor case of sore eyes. Whenever I would spend time to rest in my room, I would reminisce about the old days when summer was all about having fun and being care-free. It almost felt like I was having a brief summer vacation. What felt really nostalgic was every moment that I would wake up in the morning with the sun shining on my face. I feel like I'm being transported to the summer of '97 when I was just a teenager trying to escape the heavy realities I carry on my young shoulder. I can still clearly remember those days...

That year was the time when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. We only learned about it early that year when he was already on the fourth stage, a very serious and incurable state. I was about to finish my third year in high school and I shut myself from the whole world. I was angry about the whole situation. I was angry at everything. Summer came and my parents spent weeks, even to a month in the hospital. Since my mom can't bring all of us to the hospital, we were always left at home. She sensed that the whole situation was a real burden on me since I was the daddy's girl and the unica hija. I felt that the world had suddenly crumbled down when my mom talked to us and told us the bad news. So, she enrolled me to the tennis clinic. I didn't wanna go at first since I didn't know anyone in the village who would join such activity. Plus, I didn't feel like meeting new people. I wanted my mom to teach me, not some other person who trains a bunch of people all together. But since my mom doesn't have time for that anymore, I went half-heartedly.

I was late the first day. I didn't care. I enjoyed my walk under the beautiful 7am morning sun. As I was nearing the tennis courts, there was a group of kids being taught the right way to hold a racket on one court and another group having rally warm-ups. I had a stony face when I approached the beginners group. I wasn't planning on having friends. I was thinking, "Darn it, why do I have to be in this group? I know my stuff already!" Little did I know that God has other plans for me. The coach gave me a stern look that says, "You're late." But he softened up and told me that if I arrive late again I'll have to run 5 laps around the whole tennis club. I just nodded solemnly and took my place in the line of beginners. I attended on time and concentrated hard on the lessons. Once it was done, I went straight home. I still shut myself to the world around me. I was beginning to enjoy the lessons when we were asked to hit some balls because I hit them so hard. I think I threw all of my anger in tennis. When we were asked to do some rally with the advanced group, I hit the hardest among the beginners. I remember this one boy from the advanced group and he was watching me from the high chair, he was surprised at how hard I hit the ball and I overheard him say, "Beginner lang yan?!" I wanted to tell him, "No, deary. That's RAGE!"

A week passed, still I wasn't talking to anyone. A girl from the group approached me and started a little conversation. I responded politely and the others started talking to me and asking me how I hit the balls so hard. I just said that my racket is heavy. I didn't wanna talk about my anger. But the racket IS heavy, I was using my mom's old racket which was made of heavy graphite, the first of it's kind in the new line of modern rackets. Even my close guy friend, whom I first met that summer, gave up on it after he borrowed it for a few minutes. My mom couldn't afford to buy me the lighter new ones because they were really expensive. After that conversation, the rest was history.

After that first two weeks of tennis clinic, that's when I got to meet my-so-called miracle friends. Why call them miracle friends? Because they saved me from shutting myself from the world forever and they made me realize that life goes on. They were the friends I had that lonely summer. If I hadn't tried to open myself up to that small conversation, I wouldn't be talking anything about hope, love, and faith today. I met one of my best friends in life that summer whom I constantly keep in touch through the years. My dad may never have been physically there to take care of me, but God gave me angels. :)

I can still remember the early mornings when I woke up with the warm sun kissing my face and the birds singing outside my bay window. The smell of the grass, the smell of Coppertone at the tennis courts and the youthful sweat after. I can still remember special moments with the group, the laughter, the card tricks, and games we played. It was the most memorable summer I've ever experienced. I learned so much that time. I always look back to those days whenever summer would come around, wondering when I'll have that kind of moment again. I'll always remember those days because that memory will always be close to my heart. :)

Mute

I have been feeling sick the whole week.. :( I didn't go to work last Tuesday due to a slight fever and dizziness. I tried to rest but I couldn't contain myself in my room. I just have to work! I sent a looong text message to my boss updating what I have worked on the previous day. I told her that I'd still be working at home and she could text or call me if she needed anything for work. I told the same thing to my other officemates. As promised to my boss and officemates, I did some calls and even bugged people in the office about work. I was on the phone with our advertising coordinator that afternoon and she told me not to worry about anything anymore and to take a rest. So I did----but I was still BORED to death!!! I passed by my brother's room and saw him playing Tekken on PlayStation. I had to argue with him to let me play. He sensed my undying boredome so he let me play. In one sitting, I finished them all. Instead of feeling triumphant that I beat everyone in the game, I felt depressed.. Why? Cause I'm still BORED!!! I went over to our living room and turned on the radio. I stared at my cellphones for a moment. I picked up my SMART "NOT"-SO-amazing phone and started playing solitaire. That was around 5 in the afternoon. I was exchanging text messsages with a friend from Davao and he said that he's on his way to meet up with his cousin for a cup of java at a coffee shop. Around 8 in the evening, he sent me a text message asking what I'm doing. I was about to win in the game so I just texted a very short message: "playing SOLITAIRE". I only stopped playing when there was a warning that the battery is already low in power. When I went to work the next day, my body still feels a bit weak. I thought that maybe I lacked sleep. Later in the afternoon, I decided to take a bit of cafein at UCC Cafe. A friend of mine was kind enough to treat me for a nice iced choco coffee. By the time we went back to the office, I was feeling a slight headache. As Nana and I talked to our boss, I was already feeling jumpy because the cafeine was starting to act up in my blood stream. After picking up Spam's Davao mangoes at Nana's house, the major headache began. It's a good thing that Chuckie brought me home. Since then, I have been having a hard time sleeping. I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. Everytime this would happen, I would play solitaire again. :p I don't know why I can't sleep! I think the cafeine (which is a mistake I made when I went to UCC Cafe) is still acting up in my system! This causes my body to feel heavy when I walk my way to work in the morning. My boss asked me if I'm sure that I'm ok to work. She told me to get some rest, but of course that wouldn't persuade me to rest because there is so much work to do. I got to mention that I also have this pain in my throat. I was thinking that maybe it was just because of my slight fever. A couple of days later, it developed into a major sore throat! I had to beg off to a gig yesterday (Friday) because the doctor told me to rest my voice because I'll eventually lose it by the end of the day--which I did. I stopped making client calls by mid-afternoon because my voice is beginning to crack. My clients were beginning to get scared by the sound of my voice...hehehe.. So, now, I'm mute as of the moment. :P My thanks..they were my angels this helluva week: Spammy - thanks for the Davao mangoes! :) It was vitamin.c-licious! :) Chuckie - thanks for the iced choco coffee and for bringing me home! :) Nanalicious - thanks for accompanying me to Suzuki when I wasn't feeling well (Eventhough I might have infected you with my colds and soar throat...sowee...I'll buy you a pack of PeiPaKoa lozenges, pwomis!) :)