Scenes Through A Car Window

I went for a trip to a beach resort yesterday for a photo shoot for the magazine company I work in. As I sat quietly at the back, I was looking out the window and stared blankly at the passing trees. I was thinking about a lot of things going on in my life these days. A lot has happened during the days that I failed to write here. Why, you ask? There were too many things I wanted to write about but so little time. There were too many things going on that I don't know where to begin. I'm in a part of my life where I'm facing a lot of difficult situations and pressured to make hard decisions. Realizations seem to slowly cut deep as time passes and I have a deadline for a great decision in my life. At this young age, I feel like I've lived too long.

There has been many drastic changes that has happened lately. My friend has once again reminded me that I think too much. He doesn't know half of the reason why I think too much. I'm handling a lot of pressures at home, at work, and band schedules. How would you feel if your mother tells you that the family's about to get broke? Then she tells you on the verge of tears that she might have to sell some of our stuff in the house. It breaks my heart to see her like that. I spent the whole day thinking about that and the expression on my mom's face. This IS serious. I felt really sorry for her and at the same time frustrated, angry, depressed, and helpless. Too many reasons that I'd rather not disclose here. It's just too complicated. My younger brother came home for the week end from art school and he noticed the sadness on my face. I have been rather too quiet that day and he must've sensed that something was wrong. When he asked me if everything was alright, I just told him that nothing's wrong and that I'm ok. I don't feel that it's the right time to tell him such serious things for I wouldn't want him to worry too much. I wanted him to concentrate on school. For the first time in my life, I felt like a parent at that moment. Sometimes it makes me think that giving up the things that makes me happy and brings life to my world is the only way to keep the family afloat. I felt my head ache. This is going to be suicidal...metaphorically speaking, that is. Then, I remembered our gig that night. I couldn't let this affect our performance. Especially when the band depends on me and our friends will be coming to watch us perform. I couldn't let them down.

I watched the family we were taking pictures of. I watched how they are with one another and it made me look back to the old days when we were young and my father was still living. Upto this day, I still wished he was still alive. The piano in the living room has been silent for seven years.

With matters of the heart, well... Let's just say I'm confused with the things that I see for now. Someone is knocking at the door of my heart...