A Past Revisited

A year ago, I said goodbye to a lot of things. It was like waiting for a guest to enter the door but didn't expect to find two of them to appear. I was revisited by two memories, Cynthia's death and a painful heartbreaking past of someone.

Today was Cynthia's 1st death anniversary. With too much work in our minds and sched books, Nana and I got lost with what day of the year it was. Well, we always do nowadays.. We were called by Tito Larry (Cynthia's father) to come over their house to hear mass and pray for Cynthia. I switched my 3210 to my Globe SIM card to check if anyone texted me in that number. I received a two call back alerts, one from Leah and one from an unknown number. I texted Leah then switched back to my SUN SIM card and called the other number since that number was a SUN number. I thought it would cost me less if I used my SUN since it's free of charge if I call SUN to SUN. I called thinking it might be one of my clients trying to reach me or it might be one of Cynthia's brothers. I just had a client cancel his placement and I couldn't reach him coz my SMART line has been cut off and I wasn't able to get his SUN number. I wanted to get in touch with him to ask for an explanation so I can strangle him. (Just kidding...) When the person finally answered the phone, I asked who it was. The person on the other end couldn't answer right away. Then I said that he called my Globe number. I tried to recall my GLOBE number but my memory suddenly failed me. Still thinking it might be a client, I said my name. The person on the other line was somewhat speechless. I asked again who it was, and he said his name. At first, it didn't register in my mind the familiarity of the name. Then when I asked, "A...?" Then he said his surname like I should've remembered. It was my turn to get speechless. I asked him how he got my number. I think I sounded kinda demanding for an explanation. Then he said that my GLOBE number registered in their caller ID. In my mind, I was like, "What the....?!" How did that happen?! I've been using my SUN often these days. How can that be possible? We both fell silent and I was getting uncomfortable. I just dismissed the call right away telling him that I gotta go. I sat in the conference room with thoughts and memories flooding in my brain. I felt so weird after the phone call. I realized that the pain still stings in my heart. A few minutes later, he sent me a message telling me that he just wanted to know who's number registered in their caller ID and said sorry. I texted back and said that it's no problem and said that I must've dialled their number when I was calling someone else. I told him that it won't happen again. Then it hit me. THAT'S IT! I might've dialled his home number by mistake when I was trying to call my friend Kaye who has digits that are quite similar to his phone number at home. Now I feel weirder about the whole situation... But it makes more sense now. He texted back and told me that it's ok and that there's no problem. He even said 'Good day." I didn't reply anymore. I don't think there's anymore that we could discuss.

Nana and I went to Cynthia's house awhile ago. I thought of how time flew so fast. I remember walking around the mall alone after a job interview. I was feeling a sense of accomplishment that day for the interview went well so I treated myself to a window shopping spree. I suddenly remembered Cynthia and the nagging feeling I felt that weekend to give her a call. I decided to call her when I get home to see how she's doing. I got a text message from a college friend telling me about the sad news. I didn't want to believe the message and thought that it was a really bad joke. Two other classmates were texting the same thing and I still didn't wanna believe them. In my mind I was saying, "It can't be... I haven't seen her yet. I promised something to her..." Ria called me and she also received the same news. Sensing that I was in a state of shock she told me to wait for her at the mall and we'll talk. I walked around the mall like a zombie. I wasn't looking at the windows of the shops anymore. I lost appetite in looking at anything. I just kept on walking and walking... I bumped into some people and I didn't care. I felt numb all of a sudden. Something inside me was telling me that it is true and I had to stop myself from crying because I was in a public place. I looked for a phone booth in a secluded place. I called my mom and I started crying. She thought that something bad has happened to me. I just said, " Mom, Cynthia's gone..."

As soon as I got home, I searched in my closet for Cynch's pictures that I took when we were in college. I placed them on my bed to pick out the best picture. I chose the one where she has this beautiful smile on her face that tells everything about how she lived her life. I felt a pang of guilt and anger at myself for failing to keep the promise that I would visit her and give her a necklace I made for her. I couldn't accept it. I had the picture enlarged and framed to give it to her parents. I remember having fear in my chest and my shaking hands holding the paper bag that contained Cynch's picture in a frame and her necklace as I entered the house of Cynthia. One look at her mom and I just broke down in uncontrollable tears. All I could say was, "I'm sorry...I wasn't able to keep my promise..." in between sobs. I remembered a lot of people who mourned for her. I remember Nana trying her best to control her tears as she read a Bible passage during mass. And for those of you who knew Nana for being the jolly person she is, this is one of the rare times that I've heard her voice crack in sobs and with a sad tone. I never viewed Cynthia's remains inside the coffin. Even during her cremation. I didn't want to carry a memory of her lying lifeless inside a coffin.

Cynthia lived her life full of love for people close to her. She's like an angel to everyone. She's certainly one of the best people I've known in my life and I'll never forget her for that.