There comes a point in our lives when we learn bitter truths that shatters our ideals. It's a part of growing up. As this happens, the horizon of our minds goes further and it expands endlessly.


I feel like I have come full circle in a part of my life wherein I learn that the world of wealth and glamour is a dangerous place. You lose yourself as you are lured to the dark side of the materialistic world. You forget who you are as you're blinded by the aesthetic beauty of the elitists' world. You begin to lose appreciation of the things that really mattered in your life and you get mixed up with the vampires who you thought were the friends you can have in life. You can't see the difference anymore between what's real and what's not. You try hard to please everyone just to blend in. Thus, you begin to lose appreciation of yourself. This all leads to depression.

I was so high above myself with the world I moved in. I have failed to see life in a more reasonable and spiritual way. I didn't recognize myself. I may have become the best person of me yet, but pride became my downfall. I thought that fitting in would mean that everything will come easy on me. I was so wrong. I thought that being in the world of elitists would make me a better person and make me happy. I was wrong in that too. I longed and ached for the company of my real friends. The friends I shared growing pains with. These are the same people who let me be the person that I am. Flaws and all.

My guy friend and I were chatting one day. I checked up on him because he sounded stressed on his status message. I told him that at least he didn't do anything crazy as moving out of the house and moving back in after a few weeks. He suspected that the truth was that I moved in with a boyfriend and it didn't work out that's why I moved back to the house. I was confused with his suspicion. I was like, "Where did that come from?"
I only told him that I didn't have a boyfriend. (Silly! If he only knew who I really wanted...the only one I wanted to be as the large part of my life...) It did hurt to be getting that impression from a really close friend. I think I may have given him the impression that I lost myself in being a "wild child". We are of the opposite in so many ways yet we blend in a lot of different ways. But, having known him for a long time and getting that comment from him, maybe he doesn't know me that well enough. I thought about it and I realized that I can't blame him entirely about it. I was careless and I shut him out a lot of times with some of what's been happening in my life.

I've been frustrated with my life, that's why I was drawn to this plunge off the peak of my quarter-life crisis. I'm 25 years-old and already I'm acting as the silent head of the family. Playing mother to my siblings and to my own mother. Someone had to take out the trash. As fate dictated it, that person had to be me. I may have complained about it a lot of times. I wished I could take back the times that I should've lived a carefree life. But, with all that I've been through, I realized a lot of things. Family is still family no matter what you do. It's either you live with being at odds with them or fix and work things out together. I learned that the only people who can accept your flaws and could stand the anger that's been eating up to the core of your soul is your family.

As I come full circle with the chaos I've been through, I've come to learn who my true friends are. And, I learned so much from them too.