Gray Skies
The color of the skies haven't changed since July. Gray and unpredictable. I almost believed that it had a lot to do with my mood. I just let the days drag me on, making me exhaust all reasons to go on with my life. I find myself thinking every dull morning of why I should continue with the daily routine of my everyday life. I have lost inspiration in everything I do. I keep on telling myself that I don't need romance to keep me sane. But, as hard as I try, it gets complicated every day. I tried burying myself with work until I got tired and burned out. Laughed at myself and everything until my chest would get numb from the reality that I'm trying to deny. What else should I do? Would it change anything if I did something with it? Besides, since that night that he forgot about me, I think I pretty much got my answer to the one question lingering in my mind for many years.
Just the other day, I came home looking for my kittens only to find out that they were all kitnapped. I felt a wave of sadness. They were one of the simple things that made me smile every time I wake up to another gray skied morning and come home to from a tiring day. And one of the kittens was a promise I gave to him. I cursed myself silently as I locked myself in my room depressed. I should've listened to my intuition days before that I should've told him to come pick up the kitten. My pain and confusion clouded my judgement over my intuition. I guess we don't have any reason to see each other anymore.
I found the book that I've been looking for. It is a really interesting book. The story of the two main characters weren't really comparable to the story of the real people with those names. What did remind me strongly of him was how the character could recognize the girl's scent when the wind would blow. I looked wistfully outside my window to the gray skies remembering something that had happened what seemed like a long long time ago.
In my job, I get to meet a lot of guys. After all, I am working for a men's magazine. I've met a lot of guys. Some of them would show interest or shower me with flattery and others that I've become good friends with. I would usually fall for a really nice guy. I tried envisioning myself with a few of them that were really great but I could never picture myself with anyone of them the way I saw myself with him. I wished I had the courage to tell him that when he began to peculiarly express his jealousy about me being exposed to a lot of guys at work with the possibility of meeting someone interesting. Now, I could never be sure if he was really serious about that. I tried to forget him by paying attention to other guys just realizing that I could never get the same feeling I had when I'm with him. I just couldn't get him off my mind that easily. I keep telling myself that he's just not that into me and learn to face it.
As masochistic as it seems, I've told God in my prayers that if we're not meant for each other, I hope He gives him someone who would give him the kind of love that he's looking for. With my messed up life and the path that I'm taking, I don't think I could let him be with me. He has such a promising future and a lot of love in him that I wouldn't want him to waste it with me.
Just the other day, I came home looking for my kittens only to find out that they were all kitnapped. I felt a wave of sadness. They were one of the simple things that made me smile every time I wake up to another gray skied morning and come home to from a tiring day. And one of the kittens was a promise I gave to him. I cursed myself silently as I locked myself in my room depressed. I should've listened to my intuition days before that I should've told him to come pick up the kitten. My pain and confusion clouded my judgement over my intuition. I guess we don't have any reason to see each other anymore.
I found the book that I've been looking for. It is a really interesting book. The story of the two main characters weren't really comparable to the story of the real people with those names. What did remind me strongly of him was how the character could recognize the girl's scent when the wind would blow. I looked wistfully outside my window to the gray skies remembering something that had happened what seemed like a long long time ago.
In my job, I get to meet a lot of guys. After all, I am working for a men's magazine. I've met a lot of guys. Some of them would show interest or shower me with flattery and others that I've become good friends with. I would usually fall for a really nice guy. I tried envisioning myself with a few of them that were really great but I could never picture myself with anyone of them the way I saw myself with him. I wished I had the courage to tell him that when he began to peculiarly express his jealousy about me being exposed to a lot of guys at work with the possibility of meeting someone interesting. Now, I could never be sure if he was really serious about that. I tried to forget him by paying attention to other guys just realizing that I could never get the same feeling I had when I'm with him. I just couldn't get him off my mind that easily. I keep telling myself that he's just not that into me and learn to face it.
As masochistic as it seems, I've told God in my prayers that if we're not meant for each other, I hope He gives him someone who would give him the kind of love that he's looking for. With my messed up life and the path that I'm taking, I don't think I could let him be with me. He has such a promising future and a lot of love in him that I wouldn't want him to waste it with me.
posted by Summer at
2:22 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home