The Toss
Just before my birthday, I've been facing a lot of realizations about this confusing heart situation. Questions like, why am I still saving my heart for this guy friend I can never have? Am I saving blindly to the wrong guy? Was the first that has gone (my ex), the right one all along? If so, what would've happened if I could change what happened between me and my ex? Would that be something that would put more meaning to our relationship? Am I the one who should've done something to make things work?
My bestfriend in college called my ex just last night because it was going to be his birthday today. That's when the bomb was dropped. He already has a girlfriend. And when she asked him about me, it was as if what we had didn't matter anymore. He just said that it didn't work out and never admitted that he just left without any closure. Too scared of my older brother that prevented him to make an effort to make things work. He said that he did love me but "love wasn't enough that time". Same thing he said on our last phone conversation. He made me believe that he'd still be there but he just disappeared. He was able to find an easy way out. When asked if he has plans of contacting me again, he just said that he's seeing somebody else already.
I was crushed with painful confusion. I wondered why it didn't work and was starting to think that it could be my mistake. I couldn't sleep that night recalling what he said to my friend, "I did love her, but love wasn't enough that time..." I keep asking myself "why?" I tossed and turned in my bed until 5am this morning. I just decided to go to the gym to keep my mind off this.
After going to the gym, I opened my PC in the office to check my e-mails. My MSN automatically signed in and left it like that while I settle in the office. Then came a message from my guy friend greeting me. While we were exchanging messages, I looked through Friendster and thought to take a peek at my ex's Friendster page. I did find him alright. Scanned through his page and a realization hit me - I don't care anymore. I read a new message from my guy friend. A smile lit my face for the first time in many weeks. Now I know why... I remembered the good times I had with my guy friend. He treated me how a lady should be treated. He showed me that I should have some respect for myself and that's how a guy should treat a lady.
My bestfriend in college called my ex just last night because it was going to be his birthday today. That's when the bomb was dropped. He already has a girlfriend. And when she asked him about me, it was as if what we had didn't matter anymore. He just said that it didn't work out and never admitted that he just left without any closure. Too scared of my older brother that prevented him to make an effort to make things work. He said that he did love me but "love wasn't enough that time". Same thing he said on our last phone conversation. He made me believe that he'd still be there but he just disappeared. He was able to find an easy way out. When asked if he has plans of contacting me again, he just said that he's seeing somebody else already.
I was crushed with painful confusion. I wondered why it didn't work and was starting to think that it could be my mistake. I couldn't sleep that night recalling what he said to my friend, "I did love her, but love wasn't enough that time..." I keep asking myself "why?" I tossed and turned in my bed until 5am this morning. I just decided to go to the gym to keep my mind off this.
After going to the gym, I opened my PC in the office to check my e-mails. My MSN automatically signed in and left it like that while I settle in the office. Then came a message from my guy friend greeting me. While we were exchanging messages, I looked through Friendster and thought to take a peek at my ex's Friendster page. I did find him alright. Scanned through his page and a realization hit me - I don't care anymore. I read a new message from my guy friend. A smile lit my face for the first time in many weeks. Now I know why... I remembered the good times I had with my guy friend. He treated me how a lady should be treated. He showed me that I should have some respect for myself and that's how a guy should treat a lady.
posted by Summer at
2:52 AM
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