Finding Another Spark of Love

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find another spark in some else. The kind of spark I experienced when I met him. That was at the tender age of 15, but it was when everything about the future is uncertain yet the destiny has somehow pre-empted itself. Is it possible that that magical moment could happen twice with two different people? Very superstitious, I know. But, isn't fate a part of the theological sense of God's will?

I tried to cut him off my life once. Letting the communication gap grow so I will be left in peace. Not bothered by my own confusions by his peculiar gestures and false hopes. As we have grown older, I realized how much the complications grew with how I feel about our friendship/relationship, or whatever you define it. I tried to cut him off again, but it was harder to resist him with his out-of-the-blue text messages and calls. I think in fear that I won't be able to breathe if I don't hear from him again. But, as days gone by and I'm still on the same old page in 10 years, I realized that I'm denying my own sadness about this situation. I have been denying what I trully feel whenever the cold, lonely moments come. And I had let him get away with hurting me too many times.

Maybe it's time to put my foot down and not let myself be a meantime-girl. All I need is the strength to avoid him and let him know what I really feel.