A Window Inside My Heart

Have you ever felt magical about someone in your life wherein you felt that spark and you know that that will last forever? I felt that at the tender age of my teens. It was too overwhelming for a teenager that I don’t know if I should believe it. I always thought about different possibilities in life because I’ve learned that everything is uncertain. Yet, I always believed in fate. I always thought that things happen for a reason. There is always a divine plan in the map of my life that connects to other people’s lives. We were too young to be sure, but a little voice inside my heart was telling me that this is the One. I knew in my instincts that it will take a long time to grow. Until now, that little voice is still clear in my heart every time we see each other. We are still very good friends but we keep it at that. I’ve had my share of broken hearts and he had his. Maybe it was meant to be that way for us to grow on our own. I’m still open to other possibilities until now because I can never tell if we are meant to be. The sad part of it is that if destiny defies what I felt years ago, he may never know nor felt what’s inside my heart. I don’t reveal something in my heart and in my mind if I know that it will complicate things. I value the friendship that has been forged for years and I’m lucky to have someone like him as one of my best friends in my life.
I’ve learned my lesson about revelation of feelings and the tricks it could play to your heart if you don’t do it wisely. I had a year-long courtship that precluded to a relationship that ended without any closure. The story behind the year-long courtship is that I would not entertain the guy because I knew he had a girlfriend. We started off as friends. I grew to like this guy but I didn’t reveal my feelings for him even though he already confessed that he was already falling for me. I placed myself in the other girl’s shoes and knew that this is unfair to her and to me too. I never revealed myself to him and gave it some time. He came back 3 or 4 times but I turned him down still uncertain about him even though he claimed that he’s a free man. Until, he became consistent with calls and frequent text messages and visits. Finally, I gave him a chance. I put on so much faith in our relationship--hell or high waters! I loved him truthfully, but he was weak. He left me without any explanation. Maybe it was all a lie from the beginning and I was a fool to believe that he felt the same. I was blinded by deceit not knowing that my heart was played on. Over a year has already passed and still, I never got any closure. I still held on for some months. It took me a long time to let go and move on. Some of my guy friends told me that he was a coward not to face responsibility for leaving me hanging and breaking my heart. My girl friends told me that I’m better off without him anyway. It took me sometime to realize that. It became a traumatic experience. I think that’s one of the reasons why I hold back a lot of things in my heart.